We can easily delude ourselves because it’s possible to hide on the mat. People say the mat doesn’t lie, which is somewhat true. But you can cherry pick your partners, and in this way, preserve your ego and avoid looking bad to anyone, including yourself.

Recently, I had a few rounds with friends, and one with a new partner. He’s someone I’d seen around for a while, but we’d never rolled. He’s a lower rank, a little spastic, but very skilled. We wound up next to each other, he invited me to roll, and we did. It was fine.

In months prior, I’d actually avoided him, or at least never actively sought him out. Part of it was fear. He’s bigger than me, more fit, and much younger. But just the other day, a student of mine told me how he had fear of someone and I’d convinced him to partner with the guy anyway. So what kind of example would I be if I declined the roll?

When I teach, I give my all. I get to the school early, and I go over whatever details I want to emphasize. Sometimes, I review videos and notes, and often teach to the wall for practice. When I take private lessons, a lot of the time spent is on being a better teacher so that my students feel they’re getting the better deal.

Some teachers slack. They don’t review, they don’t learn new things, and they coast through class. The problem is the students often don’t notice. They’re new to it, so even a half-effort class can be amazing. But eventually it stops working. The teacher may be fired, or if he or she is a school owner, will have students quit.

Some students (and teachers) are delusional. They may be high rank, but they know deep down that they don’t deserve their rank. They didn’t work as hard as they could’ve, but got away with it. Cracks exist, and people slip through. My teacher has named a few black belts that “passed” their tests and got promoted, but said it’ll be their own downfall. They’ll think that their way was correct. After all, they’re black belts now. But their personal standard was so low that it’ll blow up eventually. The realization will lead to more rationalization, quitting, or igniting a fire that gets them to start over. Guess how many actually will start over.

I’ve seen this. I know people who don’t test themselves. They roll only with people whom they’re supposed to lose to, and people whom they can dominate. They stay away from the in-between. Because that’s where it becomes clear where they actually are.

I started learning under a blue belt, and he was one of those who slacked, who looked for loopholes. I’ve had to unlearn many things because I started with a bad instructor. That’s been so hard, but also so exciting. It’s all about perspective. Do you want to continue your crappy ways and then lie to yourself?

Maybe starting over is the better path. As hard as it was for me to admit my clinch, body fold takedown, guillotine, etc.¹ were garbage, it was equally satisfying to learn (and teach) it the right way.

When you look at your own training, you can see if you’re deluding yourself if you can be honest.

How hard are you trying?

Are you avoiding looking bad?