People have to like you.

You can be antisocial and think of yourself as a lone wolf. In jiu-jitsu, that doesn’t help much.

I’m an introvert. I’ve always preferred being on my own. Even now, it’s that alone time that recharges me. It’s funny, since now I teach in front of groups almost every day. Teaching tires me in a way that’s different than training.

Over the years, I noticed I wasn’t so tired from training. I still had hard rounds, but the social aspect of it became more pronounced. I saw that the connections matter a lot.

Every school has that person, man or woman. It’s the one who seems to be actively avoiding socializing. They come in for class and leave immediately after. They don’t want to connect. Some people are actually just busy or shy, but there’s a difference and you can tell.

“I pay my money. I get my service. That’s all I want.” And that’s totally fine. I’m that way with most transactions because most transactions are one-off, and not repeated regularly with the same people.

I used to train at a commercial gym several days a week. You become friendly with people you see often, but you don’t depend on each other to improve. It’s all solo work. It didn’t matter whether I connected with anyone.

Learning jiu-jitsu is different though. You can’t get better without other people.

At the beginning, progress is fast. You get better and know it after each class. That momentum pushes you along. It’s easy.

Then it slows down. Days, weeks, even months go by and you feel like you’re going nowhere. And if noticeable improvement is the only thing that motivates you, you’re in trouble.

What keeps people training long term isn’t steady progress. That goes away. Ask anyone that’s been on the mat longer than a couple years. It’s the connections. It’s a lot easier to quit if you don’t feel connected to anyone.

I’ve taught a lot of students over the years. I’ve been wrong, but I can usually tell who’s going to stay or stop. And a big clue is how they get along with others.

You get to meet people you’d never cross paths with otherwise. Different backgrounds, beliefs, etc. Everyone puts on a gi, and for that hour, no matter who anyone is, everyone’s just training partners.

You can go through your whole jiu-jitsu career as a lone wolf. Just know that it’s the path of most resistance.