When they want something, the instinctive response is usually to fight force with force. You can use that to your advantage. Fight for a while. And then, when they’re about to get what they want, give it to them but with more.

For example, if someone is mounted on me and wants to hug my neck, I’ll resist with my arms and keep my head heavy on the mat as long as I can. When I know I’m going to lose the battle, I’ll let them have it. But at the same time, I’ll trap that arm, bridge, and roll them over that trapped side.

Another example is I’m on top and want to push an arm down for an Americana, and they resist. I’ll fight a bit longer, then use their energy to redirect their arm across their centerline, which they certainly didn’t want. They just wanted to keep their arm from getting pinned to the mat.

If you want to push someone, pull first. If you want to go left, go right first.

This is simple to understand, but not easy to do, especially if you’re strong. It’s sometimes easy to out-strength someone, and the more times you’re successful with that, the more reinforcement you get to continue doing it that way. This goes back to why the best students over the long run are the ones who start weak.¹ They learn from the start that they need to rely on technique and timing.